ABOUT


What's presently here and about to be here are my thoughts.

I must have reached my threshold, a boiling/breaking point, a fork in the road, a question that needs to be answered; yes or no? It is a matter of now or never. Honestly, i remember choosing now a bunch of times and eventually forgetting, escaping, playing dumb. As if i never had the chance to do what it is i want to do. As if i was not sure or didn't know what i want to do.

Validation. Being seen. It's a desire as tricky as any question, or even fate, can be. 
We just want to know, to make sure, that we exist.

But our eyes were made such that it looks forward. It only sees what's in front of us. That's why we need other people to do it and tell us what they see when they look at us. (Do i look like i'm enough/brave/talented/etc whenever i feel like i am?)

It's tiring. The standard of being enough/brave/talented/etc has gone so high up the scale and are most of the time, subjective. Unfortunately, pleasing everybody has been long proven to be impossible. So... i'm giving up on that. I'm shutting off my desire for validation or else i won't be able to die empty. 

Now, what i desire most is to empty myself of my thoughts, feelings, and whatnot. 

I'm going to write about what's here and what's still here.
There are thoughts lingering in my
subconscious that my consciousness
long for. These forgotten ideas,
inspirations, dreams, frustrations...
unexpressed, they weigh heavily.
They are my present thoughts.