I keep changing my mind...

Wednesday, September 01, 2021


I keep changing my mind. And it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Although it frustrates me. I see it as a good thing.

It means that I've been trying new things and I'm finding out things about myself in relation to those things.

I recently said goodbye to a project I've started with a friend last year.

After working at it for one whole year, I'm able to admit that it doesn't align with my present goals. Thankfully, my friend understood and we discovered that a couple of our other friends were very interested to come onboard. 

Of course, there was a bit of unavoidable self-blame. I had to ask myself what's stopping me and why I'm letting whatever it is stop me. In the end, I've decided that "I don't want to anymore" is reason enough and doesn't need further justification.
I've always agreed that it's okay to change one's mind. But I still had to convince myself...
I've always agreed that it's okay to change one's mind. But I still had to convince myself and let a supportive friend tell me that it's the right thing to do for my own sake.

When something doesn't feel right anymore, don't be afraid to admit it. Don't force yourself to be "selfless" and to endure it because you don't want others to suffer because of your selfish choices. You only have one life to live. If you owe something to anyone, it's to yourself.
You only have one life to live. If you owe something to anyone, it's to yourself.
This also applies to this other thing that I just recently changed my mind on.

It's been more than half a year already. And honestly, it feels like enough time has passed for me to know that I won't be in it for the long haul. Or maybe somewhere down the road I'd realize that it's the best thing after all. I'm still open to that possibility but for now, it has inspired in me the want to try the next thing on my list.

People may call me indecisive, aimless, directionless, and what not. I'd probably be bothered at first. But I'd rather be bothered for some time than be frustrated forever for not ever getting to do something I want to do. Even if it's something I want to do now and might not want to later.
I'd rather be bothered for some time than be frustrated forever for not ever getting to do something I want to do. Even if it's something I want to do now and might not want to later.
I'm giving myself permission to get to know myself better.

I'm giving myself permission to change.


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Photo by Saffu on Unsplash

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