These Days

Monday, May 18, 2020


There’s really something therapeutic about being in contact with water. Flashback to my university days when I realized I could write stories myself, it amazed me how ideas would always start flowing whenever I took a bath.

I read somewhere that water has memory and consciousness. It may be my tendency to be attracted towards poetic and romantic things but I think I believe that. Water having roamed this earth ever since its creation, being absorbed by the sun, raining back down to parched lands, running along persistent tides, and existing in all forms – it must know much more than our world and the consciousness of our several past selves.

A few days ago, water made me realize something, or maybe reminded me of what I used to know.
(Yep, this was while I was in the bath. LOL)

These days, I miraculously haven’t been overthinking. I feel relaxed. Even when days felt both fast and slow, each one that passed had clarity. I felt clear-headed. And though I limited news consumption to evenings, it didn’t feel like I was escaping. It was more like I was enjoying every moment that I could.

It’s a state I want to be in for a long time and be able to go back to. And so, I tried to understand what changed or made the difference.

I no longer mull over things that could’ve been.

Ex. Thoughts of where I was supposed to be now if only I did this and that before all these happened.

If a thought entails me to feel regret, I’m not letting it in my head. As cliché as it sounds, it still rings true, “If you can’t change it or do anything about it… don’t worry.” (and vice versa)

The only person I compare myself to nowadays is myself.

In the pre-pandemic days of yore, I realized it was so easy to compare one’s self to a lot of amazing people without even knowing you are doing it. You get exposed to a lot of different content through random and unsuspecting conversations. While those also have their good merits (especially with friends), it’s more difficult to be self-aware because everything was so fast-paced.

Having to spend my days slowly, I am able to see my personal daily goals clearly. Seeing my own progress by comparing today’s Karen to yesterday’s actually feels nice.

I stopped setting dates and expectations.

All plans got nulled and scrapped this 2020. Much like anyone, I thought this was the year I would finally get what I’ve been waiting for. Safe to say, this year’s proposals were sent back for further and farther revisions. We were all forced to wait a bit longer.

Right now, planning is like trying to shoot an arrow at a moving target – really frustrating. And so, I’ve decided to just hope for the best and trust that everything will get better soon for everyone.

Trust is something really hard to find and feel these days. We always need assurance in order to at least believe, and these times of uncertainty is our biggest test. Thus, we must also remember that trust can also be given to one’s self.

If things go right, trust yourself.
You’ll keep it at that.
If things go wrong, trust yourself.
You’ll know what to do.

Don’t be attached to the outcome. Let go and let it flow. 

***

KAREN’S NOTES

(to self and to anyone who cares)


I hope this made sense to you, who read it.
I hope this makes sense to the me who may
have forgotten and wanted to remember again.

TY for reading! 

Photo by Manki Kim on Unsplash

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